Feeling Safe and Secure

Life is a complex journey filled with both wonder and danger. Childhood is very often a happy time, but also one tainted with trauma and trials, both big and small. Many of us had to create strategies to cope, and we mastered them. Sometimes we had help from loved ones, and sometimes, secretly, even desperately, we had to do it on our own. We didn’t start out knowing how, but we were resourceful and found clever ways to stay safe and protected. These were our defenses, they were good, and they worked.

As we grew older, we wove these defenses into the fabric of our adult lives. Tucked in the background of our consciousness, they helped us make choices on how best to live life, raise kids, be married, care for aging parents, be a friend, and participate in our communities and workplaces. We acted as if these defenses of control-or-avoid, attack-or-retreat, give up-or- never-give-in, were the natural fiber of who we are. We came to believe the defended self and our true self were one and the same. We did so, and still do, to protect the inner child we love.

Deep in my heart, my true self is eager to be back home with her. My child from long ago is waiting for me, and when we meet I kiss her and say, “I love you. You were so brave for so long, but you no longer need to defend yourself. I have the courage and will to protect you now.” My child kisses me in return, grateful that we are reunited, joined as one.

Now I can be true to myself, kind and generous, passionate and playful, vulnerable and safe. My life is all mine. I choose to live it to the fullest.